Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

As a professional word-using guy, it would be a sincere dereliction to be caught speechless, or without the faculty to describe something as simple and graspable as my own state of mind. And yet here we are. Gossip Girl is back, and I’m completely unable to convey to you the profound joy that’s bursting from my heart. If a puppy, carrying a kitten-filled basket around his neck, scampered into my living room with a six pack and a bag of jelly beans, to the tune of the Loving Spoonful’s “What a Day for a Daydream,” it wouldn’t make me one tenth as happy as this TV show. How about a running diary?

9:00 This is me, trembling.

9:02 “Chuck Bass doesn’t do girlfriends.” This blonde girl is on B’s payroll, for sure.

Dan has a Serena Van der Woodsen Google Alert. That’s sad. I would never do that if I had a famous-ish ex girlfriend. Never.

9:06 Yes! Gossip Girl tackles partisan politics! And Nate is (ostensibly) a liberal. There’s hope for him yet.

9:09 Serena WOULD use getting swept up in a book like Eat, Pray, Love as an excuse to hide her escapades, and Dan WOULD be condescending enough as to believe it.

9:12 Dan, on breakfast in Lily’s apartment: It makes the Four Seasons look like one season. I bet nobody else actually laughed at that but me.

9:15 “Sleeping with the enemy is fun. Why do you think I had the whole Ivanka thing? Sweet holy Moses, did I miss Chuck Bass

9:18 This is me, watching Serena give that little smirk to the photographers.

V, flirting with Scott, the mysterious half brother of Dan and S: on the list of things that no one could have predicted, where does this rank? In the low millions?

9:22 Something tells me that I’m subconsciously looking forward to more Carter Baizen

9:23 Especially because IMDB tells me that the actor playing him is named Sebastian Stan, keeping up the GG tradition of casting young actors with ridiculous names (Blake Lively? Taylor Momsen? Leighton Meester? Chace Crawford? There’s not a Joe or a Kate in the bunch!)

9:28 Here’s an idea, Vanessa. Call your friend’s dad and invite yourself and a stranger to a polo match that’s not his gig to invite people to. This won’t raise any red flags.

9:30 Is it bad that when Eric says “The last time Serena went off the deep end, it got really messed up,” I don’t really remember what he’s exactly referring to?

I like how “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” has morphed into “what happens in this room/city/continent/season, stays in this room/city/continent/season,” a catch-all excuse for dismissing anything shameful that you don’t want to talk about. Thanks, Las Vegas tourism board.

9:38 Dan, button your shirt!

9:39 Carter, button your shirt! You guys look like idiots!

Serena has never lied to Blair or Dan about matters of grave importance, so it’s completely understandable that they would immediately call the cops on Carter and arrange for a restraining order after S said she was being stalked. Why do I know S better than her best friend?

9:46 Bri Buckley: typical Republican. Willing to let mommy and daddy’s politics get in the way of true love.

“I know secrecy is a lot to ask for,” she goes. Like the secret wiretaps and secret detention facilities you no doubt cheerleaded during the Bush administration?

9:48 I didn’t want more Carter THIS way. I was hoping he was going to more of like, a conniving slimeball.

9:50 Like Grandpa Vanderbilt

9:54 In thirty seconds, I went from “Vanessa is on the ball, rich people suck” to “what a judgmental shrew Vanessa is” to “wow, Vanessa is right on.” Bravo, GG writers.

9:56 Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa. That’s Dan’s BROTHER! Are the writers on a quest to get everyone on this show related?

Eew. Weird waiter role playing has no place on network television.

Maybe Serena’s dad is dodging her because he’s pissed that his spin-off didn’t get picked up. Don’t think I forgot about that.

9:58 So Serena’s plan is to be photographed in wacky situations in the hopes that her father overseas will see the pictures and, what? Be mortified out of hiding? Seems far-fetched to me.

Matt and Kim had a song in this ep! They sing the delightful song in that Mojito commercial I love!

Tags: Gossip Girl, joy, running diary, TV

This entry was posted on Monday, September 14th, 2009 at 11:25 pm and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.