Gossip Girl is like Casablanca meets Showgirls
Blair reveals herself to be a pathetic wank; good thing Chuck is around to prop her up! Lily returns to cast a sopping blanket over Serena’s plan to . . . I dunno, find herself? Elanor is nowhere to be seen, and Dan continues to be the Mack Daddy of NYU. All in all, an entertaining little breather before what promises to be some absolute havoc wrought by Ms. Georgina Sparks. On with the diary!
9:01 Jenny, in a Gossip Girl episode. How novel!
Is this official now? Gossip Girl is now stalking NYU instead of high school kids? Fine by me.
They’re arguing about Battlecat! I used to have a Battlecat action figure, but it was more like a statue, since it had absolutely no articulation whatsoever. Very hard to play with. Also, that girl with the glasses is WAY too cute to be in a He-Man club.
Also, did I ever tell you that when I was the archery director at Camp Lewis, I had this giant tent in my area, which I put over the firing line, so as to facilitate shooting even on rainy days. Because I had this structure, I called the whole place “Castle Greyskull.” It went completely over the heads of ever eight-year-old in my charge. Oh well.
9:04 Is this “Jenny taking down the hierarchy” business going to be a communist metaphor?
Also, I can’t lie. I can get into all the punk rock vests and dark eyeliner. Please don’t ruin this, Jenny.
9:05 Gossip Girl, starring Blake Lively’s Breasts.
9:06 If you’re going to assume a pseudonym at college, is there a better name than Kate? Maybe Cait, I suppose.
9:07 “I don’t know who I am.” Serena, you idiot. Your mother is right. What kind of job are you going to get?
Everybody loves Blair as a character, but you know what? She’s kind of pathetic. And I know that’s the storyline, and I find it to be compelling, but let’s not pretend she’s not a sad individual.
Do you think Hillary Duff actually likes the Mets?
9:14 The Tory Burch woman said “You came highly recommended by Anna Wintour.” I know who that is; which means it’s a lame and weak reference for GG.
Serena is kind of sad and pathetic too. She knows all the back exits? Blech!
Being a flunky for a publicist is the EXACT line of slimy work that Serena would be perfect for. How serendipitous.
9:17 Perestroika! See?
When that text message says “Larry King called” they mean like, “Larry King’s producer,” right?
9:19 Tyra’s shrew of a character is named Ursula. Like from The Little Mermaid. Is that a reference that kids still understand?
9:27 “Sharing wisdom is what college is all about.” Gag, Dan! Also, lest we forget that Hillary Duff just blew off an interview on the Larry King Show. Would that ever happen in real life? And is she going to blow off the PREMIER OF HER MOVIE for Dan effing Humphrey? I’m a zealous Dan partisan, but even I think that’s beyond a reasonable suspension of disbelief.
“Blair’s gone Colonel Kurtz.” Bravo, chuck.
9:34 OMGBSE? Not cool.
Also, lest we forget that Chuck tried to rape Jenny in season 1. Bygones, I suppose?
Also, did Blair call Dorota a cipka? Inappropriate!
9:47 I like Hillary Duff’s earrings. Sorry for forgetting to write down her character’s name earlier. I’m lost.
Oh. It’s Olivia.
Dan is kind of a sieve. Drama shmama, it’s Hillary Duff! Suck it up!
9:52 Lily is sort of right; no one knows who they are. But I guess Serena might need to learn that the hard way. If only there were some means for us to know how Lily dealt with this portion of her own life . . .
“We must cultivate our garden.” This is a great episode for English major references!
Also, does anyone else think it’s funny that all of the sweet and precious moments between Chuck and Blair involve some sort of sexual perversity?
“Dumbo could always fly,” goes Chuck. My favorite Disney movie! He is positively ON FIRE tonight.
9:58 This ending just gave me diabetes.
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