Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

Do me a favor and re-read the title of this post one more time, and then think long and hard about whether you should continue. This is how strongly I feel about what an awful, hateful character Jenny Humphrey is. She’s always been annoying, with her power plays on the steps of the Met one minute, followed immediately by her falling into the clutches of Agnes and playing the damsel in distress. Her interminable rebellion/supplication cycle with her father. It always bordered on too much. But this most recent plot of hers to split up Nate and Serena is the last straw. My new favorite episode of Gossip Girl will be the one where Jenny’s map is eliminated for keeps.

As always, I watched this week’s ep on the ol’ DVR, so the timestamps are about as meaningless as a promise from Jenny Humphrey.

10:04 I’m still not sure I understood exactly what went down with Chuck and Blair. I feel like there was a Marathe-esque quadruple cross going on that I’m just not sharp enough to get.

“Good thing I own a bar downstairs.” Chuck may be loathsome, but he still gets the best lines.

10:10 Five minute break while I talked over the last two eps with my roommate. It makes a little more sense now!

10:12 Remember when Blair and Nate were together, and they were going to be together forever? That was back in the day when Serena and Dan were going to be together forever, and Chuck was trying to date-rape Jenny. Capricious youth!

10:16 This traditional wedding thing sounds like one of those gimmicks they make up for stories that need gimmicks. Like the charter review process in Old School, or something like that.

10:19 Wait, Serena said she was at breakfast with the Humphreys but she really wasn’t? Is she weaving a web of deception?

10:21 Oh man. It’s one thing for us to make fun of how vapid Nate is, but to see Chuck do it, hoo boy. Straight up pwnage.

Ugh, Jenny. What a goddamn snake. Eric knows it, too.

10:26 This game night thing is lame, but the eastern Europeans LOVE their balloons. Let me tell you a story. In grammar school, I was pals with this kid Igor who lived a few doors down. I’m pretty sure him and his folks were recent immigrants from Russia. So Igor invites me to his birthday party. Snacks, cake, soda, the whole nine. Then we start playing party games, one of which entails two combatants squaring off, each with a balloon tied to his ankle. The object of the game is to stomp the other guy’s balloon, while trying to guard your balloon from being stomped by him. My turn comes up, and I got squared off against the biggest bruiser in the whole damn house. We were like, nine years old, but I swear this kid was as big as Zangief. Not only that, but he was wearing big snow boots. It was spring! There hadn’t been snow on the ground for weeks! Suffice it to say, my balloon didn’t stand a chance. I was fearful for my toes the whole time.

Ha. They’re playing “I Got a Feeling” on the accordion. Nice touch.

10:29 Cyrus, with the great wedding gift! Such a big heart, so out of place on the Upper East Side.

Jenny: “I love Serena, but I know how she is.” No you don’t, and no you don’t!

10:30 Dear Nate,
As you know, everything is always exactly as it first appears. Confront Serena about the St. Regis post haste! You’ll find all your worst fears validated.
Xoxo,
All Gossip Girl viewers.

10:32 Some people get depressed and eat ice cream. Blair has the old “conversation with Dan Humphrey where she admits that she’s a rotten person and Dan reassures her that she’s actually pretty alright.” A Blair Waldorf classic!

10:36 Dear Rufus,
As you know, everything is always exactly as it first appears. Go ahead and leave an indignant message on Cece’s voicemail and confront her and Lily.
Xoxo,
All Gossip Girl viewers

Also, have we addressed on this page how dumb it is that Serena is embarrassed by her search for her dad? It’s way, way, way beyond a reasonable suspension of disbelief that this continues to be a plot point.

10:42 Dear Jenny,
We don’t need to write you a letter, because it doesn’t matter what you saw between Serena and Carter, you’ll twist it to your own devious ends. And also, you’re not fooling us with being so kind and friendly to Eric. You’re the worst character on tv.
Xoxo,
All Gossip Girl viewers

10:50 Serena! Jenny is a snake! Don’t trust her!

10:51 Noooooooooooo!

10:52 Ummm, wow? What the *#$&% is Lily up to here?!?!

Dangerous, Dirty, and Updated: Sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found thee! So I don’t think they’ll actually be killing off Jenny’s character, but at least she won’t be bugging us as much next season. Sometimes, in this cruel and unforgiving world, providence shines on us. We’re lucky!

Tags: Gossip Girl, Jenny Humphrey is the opposite of America's sweetheart: America's bitterspleen, running diary, The Greatest Show of Our Time

This entry was posted on Monday, April 12th, 2010 at 11:33 pm and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.