Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

Gossip Girl is back, and isn’t pulling any punches! Blair: pregnant! Dan: involved in a convoluted transatlantic plot involving a surreptitiously published novel! Chuck: on a quest of self-destruction! Amazingly, Serena is in the most stable shape of anyone on the show, a trend that’s nearly guaranteed to not continue. But let’s find out!

:01 Ugh. This Foster the People song is fucking terrible. It’s the Jenny Humphrey of songs. Interesting, that Taylor Momsen hasn’t written the Jenny Humphrey of songs. Yet.

:02 Blair Cornelia Waldorf!

:03 See this outfit Chuck is wearing? The waistcoat without the blazer? I’m trying this out this weekend. I can pull it off, right?

Nate: “I can’t stop thinking about that woman from LA.”
Chuck: “It’s understandable, given your mother issues.”

So we’re to believe that Chuck Schumer and Lloyd Blankfein are fighting over Nate? Clueless en-bangsed dopes don’t grow on trees, I suppose.

:05 If I still had a DVR, of course I would pause the show and scan Dan’s bookcase. It’s probably pretentious to the point of making me want to throw my laptop out the window.

:08 Louis’s sister Beatrice clearly has a scheme. She’s a character on Gossip Girl, after all.

:10 Ugh. Tampa Bay is coming back: it’s 4–3 in favor of Texas in the bottom of the eighth, but Longoria is up with no outs and a man on first. If I weren’t so convinced the Yanks were going to lose to the Tigers, I would be frightened.

:14 I love watching Charlie squirm so much. That’s how you know the writers will find a way to make her a sympathetic character, so I’ll be made to feel like an asshole for delighting in her misery.

:15 Nate’s got a concierge doctor? Is that like a mob doctor?

:17 Beatrice kinda sounds like a female Jean Girard.

:19 Nate to the doctor: “You should see his medicine cabinet. Some of that stuff isn’t even legal in Mexico.” Way to go, Nate. I guess a concierge doctor IS like a mob doctor.

:20 Do you think Greg Maddux throws on a fake ‘stache and dresses up like his brother for Halloween? It would be uncanny!

:28 Charlie is passing bad checks! They’re gonna put her picture up at the realty office.

:30 Chuck: “If you want to fight we can strike a deal.”
Dan: “That would defeat the purpose of me making sure you don’t get hurt.” Oh snap! Maximum pwnage from Lonelyboy!

:32 What a great chart. Justin Verlander’s velocity goes up as the game goes on. Tremendous.

:34 Charlie: “We’ll be like Bonnie and Clyde.”
Her feckless boyfriend: “Without the killing and robbery and car chases.”

:35 I don’t have my finger on the pulse of eating disorder issues, but this bulimia/pregnancy sickness mistaken identity subplot is making me a little uncomfortable.

:37 Um, did Nate and Liz Hurley just do it in the foyer?

:38 So Serena didn’t actually find out what happened, right?

:39 Dan, on being in the bathroom with Blair. “I don’t know if our friendship can handle this.”
Blair: “Friendship is a tenuous term. Now be a gentleman and run the water.”

So Beatrice walks in on Blair as she admits her secret to Dan. I guess they’ve run out of ways for people to eavesdrop on one another and they’re going back to page one.

:43 Hey, the Yanks scored! This is a good sign.

:45 Two instances of someone walking in on the telling of a secret within minutes! Cmon, GG!

:47 We’re setting up a dramatic confrontation when the real Charlie shows up, right?

:48 Ha! Chuck’s safe word is “stop.”

Chuck to Dan, on his troubles: “I feel nothing. When I jump off a building, when I crash a motorcycle. Even you don’t irritate me.”

:49 Nate, you fool. You pretty, pretty fool. Giving up actual real-life opportunities in order to work at a company that doesn’t even exist for a woman whose name you learned only hours earlier! I wish this weren’t so believable!

:51 Hey, the Yanks scored another run!

:54 Charlie, please don’t drag this Max guy into your web of deceit. He’s too much of a sweetheart.

Oh. Good. You’re just going to dump him. Only on TV is “I wish I could explain better, but I can’t” an effective breakup line.

:55 Hey, duplicitous, vow-breaking priests! This is new territory for GG! I dig it.

:56 I was wondering how they were gonna get Serena back in New York. “Oh, my movie-producer boss isn’t actually working in LA, but she only just now told me. Isn’t that funny?”

:58 Not that I’ve got abortion pennants on my walls and a collection of abortion baseball cards, but would it be so hard for the possibility of Blair terminating her pregnancy to be something that’s actually explored on screen, and not dismissed in a few words?

Tags: Gossip Girl, running diary, shmashmortion, The Greatest Show of Our Time

This entry was posted on Monday, October 3rd, 2011 at 11:28 pm and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.