Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

There’s a great couple lines in Douglas Adams’s Mostly Harmless, the concluding fifth installment in the unaptly named Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. It’s from a scene where the series’ protagonist Arthur Dent is coming to grips with his place in the universe now that Earth has been destroyed:

The available worlds looked pretty grim. They had little to offer him because he had little to offer them. He had been extremely chastened to realize that although he originally came from a world which had cars and computers and ballet and Armagnac, he didn’t, by himself, know how any of it worked. He couldn’t do it. Left to his own devices he couldn’t build a toaster. He could just about make a sandwich and that was it. There was not a lot of demand for his services.

In that spirit, I’ll pass along this link, containing a .gif that shows you how a sewing machine works. Look at it! How amazing is that!

Sorry, gang. I got into a serious mood to clean up tonight, and I didn’t want to lose momentum. The bad news: the long post I wanted to write tonight didn’t get written. The good news: my desk is finally clean! Here are some cool/interesting things for you to look at.

# I’m always interested in stories by writers who bond with their families over Giants games, but as I was reading this one I sort of felt it was falling short. And yet by the end, I had managed to get a piece of dust in both my eyes. So I don’t know. Just judge for yourself.

# Regular readers of Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun know about my staunch belief that parking is the hub on which the entire urban experience rests. Here’s another Times piece, this time about the perils of free parking. Expect more of this from your favorite blogger.

# Boston has a lot of squares. Would you believe that not all of them are square-shaped?

I spent the weekend in sunny Luddington, Michigan, at the wedding of my dear friend Michelle and her new husband Rob. (You’ll remember Michelle as the gal who is responsible for your favorite blog’s name. Without her, you’d probably be reading my second name choice, timmysblogismorepowerfulthangalactusthelivingtribunalandthemadtitanthanoscombined.net.) It was a delightful weekend. Since I’m not really great at expressing mushy feelings of gratitude and joy, I’ll let it suffice to say that I have them and will instead give you my thoughts on some of the extraneous, though still noteworthy, elements of the trip.

# Firstly, the beer. As soon I showed up, I tried an IPA brewed by the Jamesport Brewing Company, which operates a great brewpub in downtown Luddington. It was very tasty! Although probably not so tasty that I can remember its charms four days later. So oh well?

What I DO remember is the beer on tap at the wedding: Oberon, a summer beer produced by Bell’s Brewery down in Kalamazoo. This stuff was great: a little heftier than your usual wheat beer, with a slight orange taste at the front of your mouth, a little bit of spice in the back, and a sunshiney essence in every sip. I can’t stop raving about this stuff. (I also don’t think it’s a coincidence that this excellent beer AND America’s Greatest Hero, Derek Jeter, hail from the same town. Just saying!) It’s distributed primarily in the Midwest, unfortunately, although Nick, the Official Philadelphia Correspondent of Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun, reports that he’s seen a sixer of it at the store down the block from him. Lucky guy!

# On occasion since I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve presented you with a few great ideas in action. Here is perhaps the greatest one I’ve ever come across.

It was an outdoor wedding, so there was a fancy trailer hitched out back with a men’s room and a ladies’ room. Regular readers of Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun know I have the bladder of an infant, so it wasn’t long before I was in there, making use of the facilities. Once I was done, I go to reach for the flush, but there was no handle. Hmm? I look around, and I see that attached to the bottom of the toilet is a pedal. A foot-flush pedal. So I pressed it, the toilet flushed, and I was good to go.

The question is, why doesn’t every toilet in every public place have one of these!
The entire bathroom microbe safety system is predicated on two hopes: that people don’t whiz all over themselves, and that everyone washes their hands. This obviously isn’t too much to ask, but people routinely fail on either, or both, counts. What the foot pedal does is eliminate one of the major grossness vectors: if everyone is pressing with their feet, their hands are free to not be engrossened by a flushing handle. The handle on the door to the bathroom is still and issue, but you have to admit, eliminating any contact your hands have with any part of the toilet is a big plus! Let’s get these installed in every bar in town!

# Have you ever heard a song, but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out the name? Maybe it’s on a commercial or in a movie, and you don’t have an opportunity to find out what the title is. I’ve had one for years. I remember seeing one of those TV-order oldies compilations one time that included it, but I never caught the title. Then I would hear it in some random movie, and it would bug the hell out of me. Infuriating.

I’m at my table, enjoying some appetizers, and the awesome country music band that Michelle’s folks found performed my song. I’m thrilled, obviously. Once they’re done, the singer asks “Does anyone know the name of that song?” And immediately, I hear someone say “‘Sleepwalk,’ by Santo and Johnny.” Yes! That’s it! Give it a listen, and you’ll immediately recognize it.

# I took some pictures, also, which I wanted to include in this post. Of the IPA I mentioned earlier. Of Lake Michigan (you can’t see the Wisconsin side from the Michigan side! It’s a lake!) Of a sign from a Tea Party Republican Congressional candidate. Of the Luddington High School wrestling team t-shirt I bought at a fundraiser. But Wordpress isn’t letting me put them in this post! Your loss!

Anyway, congratulations, Michelle and Rob, and thanks for a great weekend! (They’re two of my precious readers, so I know they’ll see this. That’s part of the bargain, guys: if you feed me steaks and beer, you’ll get a post about your wedding. I do what I can.)

The Infinity Pillow

As part of my never-ending quest to help you, my precious readers, find the products that are right for you, and particularly the best memory foam pillows, I’m very excited to present the first ever Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun product review! The lucky item is the nifty-looking guy you see on the left, the Sleepjoy Infinity Pillow.

First, the specs. It’s a 24 inch by 18 inch pillow, made of plant-based materials. Those holes you see are top to bottom air channels which, combined with the Infinity’s ViscoFresh foam, are supposed to increase air circulation and keep the pillow cool. The primary feature of the pillow is the shape. That notch you see at the bottom is the neck cradle, designed to keep your neck and head in the proper position as you sleep, while the contour in the middle of the pillow is supposed to support your head and encourage spinal alignment.

A closer look at the Infinity's shape

The Sleepjoy folks gave me a complimentary Infinity pillow, which I’ve been sleeping on for about a month. If you clicked through above and checked out the product details, you might have seen the Infinity billed as “ideal for back sleepers.” This made reviewing the pillow a little tough, considering your favorite blogger is a belly sleeper. I did my best to fall asleep on my back and experience the pillow how it was meant to be experienced, but it didn’t often work. Fortunately, it still functions as a pillow, even if you sleep on your stomach; I just don’t have anything to say about how the neck cradle keeps one’s spine in line.

It’s also a pretty firm pillow; the website describes it as “medium firm.” I don’t have a firmness preference, so I wind up cycling through several pillows throughout the night, including another memory foam pillow I have which has much more give than the Infinity. No value judgment here; just letting you know that sometimes I started the night on the Infinity and ended it on another pillow, or vice versa.

When I first started reading the literature on the Infinity, I was definitely intrigued by the cooling air holes. Pillow coolness has been a problem that’s plagued mankind since pillows were invented. The other side of the pillow has always been a hallmark of coolness. Does the Sleepjoy Infinity serve to wrest some of the spotlight for the functioning side of the pillow?

At first, not so much. I was totally vexed by how warm the Infinity was. It wasn’t necessarily any hotter than any of my other pillows, but given that one of its primary virtues was a cooling system, I was disappointed. What I discovered, though, is that the Infinity comes from the factory with two pillowcases. The top one is a cotton/polyester velour cover; it’s not incredibly thick, but it does have a fuzziness to it that seems to retain heat. The inner cover is just a really thin cotton skin. Once I took the top cover off, those air holes really shined, which makes sense, since even the most potent cooling system would have a tough time breaking through two layers of pillowcase. I’m not saying there was a cool breeze blowing through my pillow all night, but the Infinity stayed noticeably cooler than my other pillows throughout the night. Of course, if you want things to match, you can certainly swap in whatever pillowcase you like.

Most of the use I’ve gotten from the Infinity has come while I’ve been awake, though. I’ve found it to be particularly effective when I’m reading in bed. Where I used to have to prop three or four pillows on top of one another and hope that I found a satisfactory position, now I just pop my neck into the Infinity’s cradle, and I’m in a very comfortable spot for reading, every time.

Now, I can’t tell you what the best memory foam pillow for you is. If you always sleep on your stomach, you might be better served by a regular-shaped pillow (which, as I’m probably obligated to tell you, Sleepjoy also makes). Not that you can’t sleep on your stomach with the Infinity, but the things that are supposed to make it a great pillow are things that cater to back sleepers. If you ARE a back sleeper, though, I think it’s worth it to check out the Infinity. It’s very comfy, it’s made of plant-based materials, and it actually stays pretty cool!

That is all.

Ah, it seems like only yesterday that I was forgetting that my website was one year old. But we can’t keep the retrospective going forever, so tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.

But before we do, I’d like to hear from you guys and gals, my precious, treasured, dearest readers. What have you liked about the blog in the past year? What are you favorite features? What do you is just terribly sucky? What sort of subjects do you want to see more of? What do you think I should get rid of? Let me know! I’m here to put out the best product for you all, so let her rip in comments.

Before I go, listen to this feature’s namesake, set to some Marissa Cooper clips from the OC (for whatever reason.)

Here’s a few links to some of my favorite posts, which, if I actually wrote about them individually, would incite an insurgency of readers furious that I don’t actually produce original content any more. We don’t want that. Try to enjoy yourself.

# Looking back, I’m a little surprised that I actually had so much to say about that stupid “wedding procession to the Chris Brown song” video. I just got into a flow, and it all came out. Sometimes I wish I had more critical-thinking type things to say about Internet memes, since I’m probably more qualified to write about those than anything else. Maybe I’ll try harder in DD&U.com’s second year, eh?

# I’ve had occasion to write a lot of posts titled “Sad news,” unfortunately. It’s morbid to say that I have a favorite, but I liked re-reading this Les Paul remembrance, if only because he was such an amazing guy. Go down and turn the video on, then read.

# A Zelda Warriors post, within a Zelda Warriors post? I’ve just blown my own mind. I got a bunch of sports-related stuff off my chest here. As I write, I’m actually having a conversation about how much I enjoy watching professional athletes show each other up, so don’t think I don’t live what I write.

# This post on MTV’s Jersey Shore actually got me a completely random link on a blog on nj.com. I almost felt like a real blogger!

# Finally, I know it was only a few weeks ago, but in case you’ve forgotten: Paste.

Rough week and a half for blogging, treasured readers. I spent a long weekend in sunny Savannah, Georgia, which took me away from my computer for four days. And then I had to get my life back together after that. Then the series finales of Lost and 24 were on. Then I have to start getting ready for my trip this weekend to sunny Williamsburg, Virginia, from which (or from where?) I’m writing right now. I feel crummy, because I actually have a couple things in the hopper that I’m really excited about writing. It takes time, though. So my apologies. You know you’re always on my mind.

As a consolation, listen to this delightful ukulele cover of “Your Song.” I’ll be back soon, lovelies.

I kinda wish I didn’t blow that “born back ceaselessly into the past” hed on a stupid post about making your blog look like a Geocities site. It would have been much more appropriate here. Oh well.

As you may be aware, your favorite blogger celebrated a birthday this week. Also, my birthday was this week, too. (See what I did there? With the self-deprecating implication that I might not actually be your favorite blogger? ::tap tap tap:: Is this thing on?) Anyway, as the early part of my mid-20s fades away in the rearview mirror of time’s unceasing advance, the idea of growing up has been on my mind. I have enough self-awareness to bristle at the concept of a “quarter-life crisis,” so don’t worry, this won’t be a post about how confused I am about the future as I watch the sands of time slip through my fingers like so many grains of sand.

But I have been thinking about all the years gone by: some wistful stuff, but mostly good stuff, and I was grasping for something appropriate to post about on the event of the anniversary of my natal day. First, I considered discussing the pants-wettingly exciting news that John Nolan and Shaun Cooper are back in Taking Back Sunday, reuniting the Tell All Your Friends lineup that produced Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun’s third favorite album of the last decade. (I’m seeing them in June, and worry not, treasured reader, that show will get the eff blogged out of it.) But then I came across something better, a bit of nostalgia so potent that Adrian Veidt himself would be compelled to stroke his chin in admiration. Let me tell you a story.

When I was a kid, we didn’t have a Nintendo, but my cousins did. Whenever we went over their house, we played a lot of Duck Hunt, a lot of Mario, a lot of Monster Truck Rally. Every now and again, we’d fire up Bases Loaded. RBI Baseball, with its Weeble-esque renditions of Major League stars, was probably the more beloved baseball game of the era, but, because it didn’t have a license from MLB, Bases Loaded had the probably unforeseen advantage of being able to make up teams and players out of whole cloth. There was a New Jersey team, so of course I played with them every time I had the controller in my hands. Anyone that’s played Bases Loaded knows where this is going: I’m about to talk about Paste.

Many pixels have been spilled talking about Bo Jackson’s prowess in Tecmo Super Bowl, but Paste, the number three hitter in the NJ lineup, surpasses even him. Paste hit 60 home runs and batted .467 last season! He was less than a god, but far, far more than a man. So you can imagine my delight when, just a day after my birthday, as I was reminiscing about my youth, I came across this brilliant video tribute to the immortal Paste. Enjoy.

Hat-tip to my pal Nick, the Official Philadelphia Correspondent for Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun, for this one. I’m sure I’m late to the party on emo mashups, but what else is new with this sucky blog? The concept of this sort of thing is obviously right up my alley, but I feel like the execution in this case could be a little better. Still pretty awesome, though!

Anyway, listen to, um, “The Quiet Infidelities That No One Ever Screams.”