Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

Two more eps of Gossip Girl left. That’s not a lot of time for Jenny’s map to be eliminated for keeps, Dr. VDW to be taken away in cuffs, and Dan and Serena to get back together (which, as regular readers of Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun know, is my primary reason for watching the show.) As usual, I’m watching an hour late, the time stamps mean nothing, and c.

10:07 Blair: I didn’t know they had groupies that old. Way to make light of a potentially marriage-ending sitch, B. Bonus: “Dorota’s family has Polish mob connections.” What Polish mob? Can you identify them by their fox-skin hats?

10:09 I like how Chuck has a Jack Bauer–esque network of illicit contacts. He’s a legitimate business owner!

10:11 Apparently, pharmacists don’t make enough to turn down bribes. I learn something from Chuck Bass every week

10:13 Oh boy. Rufus actually brought Holland down to the apartment. Nothing makes him a badass quite like the truth. Too bad he’s surrounded himself with a nest of vipers.

10:14 Holland: Rufus, you can’t expect me to lie to their faces. Rufus: You just did! Ha!

Serena on good guys: They all are, until they aren’t anymore. Does that mean that S knows that her dad is a scumbag? Of course it doesn’t. She’s a blithering moron.

10:17 The biggest disappointment in this whole story arc is how Eric has been bamboozled. He was the only remotely innocent one left on this show.

In my entire life, I don’t think I’ve taken matters into my own hands as many times as Nate has in three seasons of Gossip Girl.

10:20 Wait, what? Holland is the psychiatrist? The hell is going on here?

10:21 Ah, a plot to instigate the public outing of a villain. That always works on this show.

My bloodlust for Jenny’s death is soon to be outstripped by my intense desire to see egg all up in Serena’s grill. She’s so effing stupid it actually hurts to contemplate.

10:25 Seriously. Only Serena could make me feel sympathy for Little J. Why do you always let me down so bad, Serena!

Blair: Are you ready to make the fat lady sing?
Dan: I’ll settle for making the lying doctor lady confess.
Thanks for contributing to the repartee, Lonely Boy. Ugh. This guy got published in the New Yorker, and I’m stuck with this sucky blog? Where’s the justice!

Um, Jenny? Now would have been a good time to reveal your damning evidence. What is she trying to pull here? I guess she’s aware that there’s still another episode left, and a good amount of plot to string along?

10:30 Lily to Dr. VDW: It’s nice to be here with someone who doesn’t hate these sort of things. Is there anyone on this show that isn’t a simpering fool?

10:34 That was some good improvisation with Dr. Holland, especially for this crew.

Aaaaaaaaand Jenny is conspiring with Dr. VDW. Your redemption was short-lived, Lil J. And now for being taken in, I feel as foolish as Serena is going to inevitably feel.

10:36 How did I let so much time elapse without noticing how whorey Serena’s dress is? Am I slipping in my old age? It’s like something an alien hooker in a Godzilla movie would wear

10:38 Rufus showing up at the van der Woodsen apartment is the 27th dramatic confrontation of this episode. It’s a new record!

This limo scene with Blair, Chuck, and the gang reminds me of the wrap-up of an Encyclopedia Brown story. Speaking of old age . . .

10:41 Nate is the exact kind of guy who would keep a random cop acquaintance in his phone book.

And me, because I’m a sap, when I see scenes where Dan walks in on an emotionally distraught Serena, I think “Maybe they’ll get back together? Please?”

10:43 I know Dr. VDW is a mirthless scoundrel, but how can he talk to Serena and not double over with laughter at that stupid hat?

I’m sorry I didn’t believe you, Lily goes. Ha! Your entire life is predicated on not believing Rufus, Lily! Don’t you watch Gossip Girl?

Please, let Rufus pull out a gun and shoot his daughter right in the heart.

10:46 Eric! With the pwnage! Get Jenny the hell outta here. Consider yourself redeemed, young Van der Woodsen.

10:48 Do we want to talk about this rugby player’s sweater? No? Ok, good.

10:49 !

10:49.5 ! !