Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

Guess who’s back? Back again? The Gossip Girl Running Diary is back! It’s your friend! Let’s get this party back crackin’, shall we?

9:00 Nice hat, Trip.

Were those wolves in the middle of the road? Coyotes? Are Serena and Trip in like, New Mexico?

9:02 I’ve been away for a while, so I haven’t had a chance to say, when the hell did Chuck Bass become the voice of reason on this show?

Coats for Kiev! Vanya is the man.

Is Lily upset that Rufus is like, a shiftless layabout who is free to do anything at any moment because he’s got no life?

9:04 Trip is taking calls from “Bayonne” Barney Frank from his illicit love hideaway? Actually, I think the esteemed congressman from Massachusetts would have a certain appreciation for young Trip’s plight.

9:06 And Chuck is seeing visions of dead people. I hope GG doesn’t find out!

9:10 Come ON, Eric! You’re better than these cheesy plots to unseat jenny. Haven’t you learned that she’ll always hoist herself on her own petard?

9:11 Nate’s faith in Dan as a formidable player in the marketplace of desire is fun, but ultimately probably misplaced.

9:14 If I were Serena, I’d be scared ess-less that Maureen would sneak into the house and like, murder me.

9:14:30 But because she’s on the side of the road with trip, that’s sorta kinda impossible.

Am I the only one who thinks that Serena couldn’t stand a chance in any sort of stand-off with Maureen?

9:16 Nice try, Bart. But you can’t be disappointed in your son. You’re dead!

Did I speak too soon w/r/t the whole “Chuck is the voice of reason” thing? Now he’s hearing voices? And listening to them?

9:18 Serena: I prefer Fitzgerald to Hemingway
Nate: Uh, I’ve never read either.

9:19 “It’s a time-honored political tradition.” Oh, Maureen! You’re so despicable! And how serendipitous that you happened to find that letter from Dr. Van Der Woodsen in Lily’s coat that happened to look exactly like your coat. You guys know me. I like my melodrama fueled by only the most hackneyed of plot devices.

9:21 Hey, how about this Pyrex whisk that has the little fins that scrape the bowl? How nifty is that?

9:25 Real life conversation with the Official Girlfriend of Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun:

Me: you said you never watched the OC, right?
OGFDD&U: right
Me: that was a great show
the john the baptist to gossip girl’s jesus, if you will
OGFDD&U: hmm
that sounds blasphemous
Me: to who? jesus, or the OC?
OGFDD&U: undecided

9:32 We’re supposed to take Matthew McConaughey seriously as a pitchman? He’s wearing a shirt in this commercial.

9:33 Oh, Gossip Girl, exploiting every stereotype about drama girls that every freshman ever harbored. Bravo.

9:34 Serena fouling everything up and needing to run home to her mommy? We’ve never seen this before.

9:36 Serena: “I can’t even look at you” . . . in that silly hat!

9:37 You call MAUREEN first? God dammit, Trip, you’re the most feckless loser on this show since Aaron Rose.

9:43 There ain’t no way Trip like, put Serena in the front seat, right? Because, you know, it would be tough to explain away the Serena-shaped hole in the windshield on the passenger side.

9:46 Maureen, please see my time-stamped statement at 9:43. Also, GG, “you just got vetoed”? You’re better than that. How about “your face just got filibusted”? or “Nate just majority whipped your ass”?

9:49 “I had to learn the hard way.” Serena, all you ever do is learn things the hard way!

Also, Blair, you’re complicit. You told Serena to go with Trip! You knew it was a bad idea!

9:51 I’ll ask the corollary to the question I asked at the beginning of this recap: when did Chuck like, double-lap everyone else in terms of characters I actually give a shit about? If this was basketball on the playground, they would have switched teams by now. It’s not even close.

9:53 Also, I kinda like this song.

9:54 Jenny, you can’t have it both ways. You can’t be completely unrespectable, and then hope to have the respect of your brother.

954:30 Or Eric can be a complete pushover.

9:55 I don’t know what this letter says, but Rufus should know from being on this show for two-plus seasons that when someone from the Vanderbilt family comes to you with news, there’s always some sort of nutty misunderstanding at play

9:56 Also, V? “Sometimes people say things they don’t mean” is NEVER the right reaction.

9:57 Oh, Jenny’s kingdom is a narco state? Now we are having fun.

9:58 Get

9:58:30 The fuck

9:58:45 Out of here!