Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

The Red Socks beat the Yankees eight times in a row earlier in the season, and it was the biggest thing in history up here. It was unparalleled dominance! The Socks owned the Yanks! Could they sweep the season series? Sure, it wasn’t even the All Star break, but the Yankees were buried!

All the Yankees have done since is cruise through their schedule, and beat the Red Socks 7 out of the last 8 times. No big shakes, though. Sure, the Yankees have the division sewed up. Sure, the Red Socks haven’t really shown any sort of ability to beat the Yankees when they’re playing well, even with the newly acquired slugger Victor Martinez. But it doesn’t matter, you know, because the Red Socks will probably make the playoffs, so these late games against the Yanks aren’t important.

So I was heartened to see the Village Voice’s Crazy Yankee Chick address this issue:

It would be inordinately helpful if Boston could collectively delineate their parameters for “Which Games Count.” If I understand it correctly, the current guidelines dictate that:

1. Any World Series won before 2000 is not relevant and should not be considered in arguments debating the historical success of franchises
2. Steroid use only voids the validity of a title in years outside of 2004 and 2007
3. A division title does not enable fans of title holder to assume superiority
4. Wild Cards and Division Champions possess equal levels of significance
5. In the event of a loss, Boston retains the right to default to inflated payroll accusations and/or invalidating loss on basis of team’s injuries
6. Any close and late hit from Alex Rodriguez shall automatically be stricken from the record in accordance with “ARod sucks in the clutch” bylaws
7. In the event of a save at the hands of Mariano Rivera, the current game’s outcome shall be eclipsed by past blown save incidences
8. In extreme situations, Boston fans may choose to redistribute vested interests, by taking an early withdrawal from the Red Sox 2009 Season account and re-allocating interests into Patriots 2009-2010 Season account
9. Substantiated support is not a prerequisite for “Yankees Suck” contentions
10. These guidelines are subject to change on the sole discretion of Boston advocates

Preach.

Obviously, I had to do a post about the big news of the day: David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez are reported to be on the list of 100-odd ballplayers who tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in 2003. Manny is, of course, old news, and I’ve pontificated on him not once but twice on this very blog.

Big Papi, though, now there is a juicy bit of news. (Pun intended, of course.) I’ve always had a special type of antipathy for David Ortiz. As you’re all well aware, I’m a bit of a Manny Ramirez fan (or at least I was; who knows what I think now). I never felt that fans up here in Boston truly appreciated how great a hitter Manny was, and how much he contributed to the team. When the pudgy guy from Minnesota came along and started beating the ball like it owed him money (58 home runs in six seasons with the Twins, 244 in seven with the Red Socks), he became one of the most beloved athletes this town has ever seen. I’d argue that Socks fans loved Papi more than Nomar, more than Pedro, more than Schilling, certainly more than Manny. He certainly earned that affection: the guy made the All Star Game in five seasons, led the league in home runs in 2006, and was a beast in the postseason.

And he killed the Yanks. But that’s neither here nor there.

What makes Ortiz’s fall from grace so precipitous and fill me to the gills with my favorite kind of freude is Papi’s world-class hypocrisy. Of all the blowhards railing against fellow players who use performance enhancing drugs, Ortiz was one of the most vociferous. ESPN’s Howard Bryant has a nice piece about it that I recommend you read in its entirety. But here are a few money quotes from Papi himself.

You’ve got the biggest guys in the game getting caught with this stuff, and that’s why they don’t think you can have mechanical problems or you can not have your mind in the wrong place or have injuries. It’s all steroids. That’s why I don’t talk about it. When I get turned around, people are going to say, ‘Oh, he’s back on it.’

Don’t come in once and test two or three guys. Test everybody, in season and out of season. And if you still use and you get caught, then you should be suspended for the whole year. I said that a long time ago, and nobody listened.

I know what it is for my son to have Big Papi as a father. There are a lot of people who do great things for him because he’s my son. His life is going to be easier because he’s the son of Big Papi.

And that is the biggest reason why I have never used steroids. Because then he would have to go to school and have to listen to all the kids say that his dad is dirty, a cheater, and everything for him would be taken away from him and he would be ruined. I make sure I don’t do those things, for him.

The Yankees have had a lot of guys who used PEDs. It sucks. Their success has been called into question, and rightly so. Of course, the most obnoxious of the sanctimonious high-horse sitter were Boston fans. (Remember when Manny got suspended earlier this season, and Socks fans tried to rationalize that he didn’t use the juice while he was with Boston? Does anybody else remember that?) Of course, there will be more rationalizations in the days to come; that’s to be expected. But it’s all going to be for naught, and I couldn’t be happier. Welcome to the mud, Boston. We’ve been waiting for you.