Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

A few weeks ago, some cohorts and I went to Drink, a popular cocktail spot on Boston’s waterfront. It’s an excellent place. The bartenders know pretty much all there is to know about cocktails, and they’re all very friendly and engaging. So I told one of them that I was interested in an applejack-based cocktail that wasn’t a Jack Rose, because I’ve had those a bunch. The dude mixed me up an apple brand old fashioned, which includes the brandy (obvs), bitters, ice, and cinnamon simple syrup. It was wicked tasty.

Regular readers of Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun know that Jersey flows through my veins, and Laird’s distillery, of sunny Scobeyville, NJ, is one of the bigger producers of both applejack and apple brandy in the country. Combine my love of Jersey with my desire to unleash the power of apples, and you can imagine how excited I would be to include apple liquors in my drinking repertoire.

So I bought a bottle of apple brandy, and some aromatic bitters, and endeavored to recreate this delicious apple brandy old fashioned. I utilized the wonder of the toobz to look up a recipe to work off, and I found two distinct ones: one that calls for the cinnamon simple syrup, and one that called for maple syrup. Intrigued, I was forced to try both last night.

Garnished with a pear, of course, because I didn't have an apple.

The verdict? I’m an awful mixologist. When they say “two dashes of bitters,” what does that even mean? You dash the bottle, and less than a femtoliter comes out. So maybe I included too much bitters? And I was supposed to steep a couple cinnamon sticks in the simple syrup as I was making it, but who keeps cinnamon sticks around? So I used an indeterminate amount of ground cinnamon. And I probably shouldn’t have used undoubtedly expired Shaw’s brand maple syrup. Anyway, both of these drinks got me good and messed up, but they weren’t necessarily great to drink. They were good! But maybe I would try to trust a pro the next time?