Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

A few months ago, the Boston Phoenix ran a feature that named the all-time best band, all-time best solo artist, and best new band, for all 50 states. Naturally, I turned to Jersey first. Check it out. I’ll wait.

Regular readers of Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun, of course, understand that I dismissed this poll out of hand. The plain and honest truth of the matter, precious reader, is that the discussion of music in New Jersey begins and ends with John Francis Bongiove, Jr., and his band. So that’s that.

However, comma, since we’re dealing with Jersey here, the best damn state in the whole damn union, I still decided to engage the Phoenix’s decisions critically. Jersey deserves no less. I ignored the best new act, Nicole Atkins (at my peril; I later realized she’s teh awesome and will invariably be featured in a future MIMIF post); the Boss was declared the best solo artist, which is only just (what with Springsteen being the John the Baptist to Bon Jovi’s Jesus); and the best band was a tie between the Misfits and the Four Seasons. I’ll buy the Misfits, seeing as how the Phoenix IS Boston’s alt weekly. And the Four Seasons? I mean, I guess. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” was a big song. Sure. Whatever.

All of this is to say that I saw Jersey Boys, the bio-musical about Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, last night, and it made me think about how, if you leave aside the egregious overlooking of Bon Jovi, the Phoenix’s judgment about the Four Seasons was positively absolutely right on the money.

Every now and again, you come across a band and you think you’ve got a good bead on their catalog. Then you’ll go to a show, or listen to a block on the radio, or come across a greatest hits album and you’ll say “Wait a minute, they sang this song too? Wow.” I’ve had that experience with the Kinks, the Bee Gees, Electric Light Orchestra, and the Steve Miller Band. And then I had it with the Four Seasons.

I knew “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” and “Walk Like a Man,” and “Stay.” And honestly, I knew those were great songs, so I gave the Four Seasons their due. But I forgot about “Sherry.”

And “Bye Bye Baby.”

And “Dawn.”

And “Working My Way Back to You.”

And “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.”

And “December, 1963 (Oh What a Night).”

Maybe I just haven’t been paying attention, but all these guys ever did was record gold records! So, as the title of the post suggest, last night was a very pleasant surprise.

Listen to what, before yesterday, I didn’t even realize was my favorite Four Seasons song.

“So while some in the ‘media’ say ‘Oh, you live in New Jersey? What exit?’ I say ‘What entrance?’ ” Bravo, Mr. Stewart. Bravo.

It says pretty much all you need to know about corruption in my beloved home state of New Jersey, that in an article outlining the recent history of crooked pols in the Garden State, the New York Times’s writer just couldn’t muster the column inches to even mention Bob Janiszewski or Sharpe James. I mean, these guys are hardcore slimeballs, and they still got left on the cutting-room floor. Incredible.

The most important part of this story comes in the quote from a Jersey City resident:

Many New Jersey residents are less impressed. In interviews around the state, several simply shrugged at the latest indictments, the third, fourth, or fifth wave in their lives.

“I don’t know if I wasn’t surprised because it’s New Jersey or because it’s politicians,” said Cynthia Rose, 30, a makeup artist who lives in Jersey City. “I hate to be so jaded,” she added.

“I hate to be so jaded” . . . but we are! My first reaction to the news of the huge corruption sweep in New Jersey last week was “I wonder how many of our guys they got.” (Our guys being Hudson County officials. We didn’t do too bad in this one!) Think about that, though. News broke of 44 people getting nicked in a years-long investigation involving bribery, money-laundering, and organ trafficking, and I immediately treated it the same way I treat the NFL draft: I wonder how many of our guys they got. (Our guys, in that analogy, being Boston College football players.)

All of this is to say, a sad number of New Jerseyans, myself included, are simply inured to graft. It’s a cliche to say that corruption is a way of life in politics in New Jersey, but it’s all I know. I hate to say I expect it; but at the very least, when some elected official gets busted for throwing a patronage job to a wildly unqualified crony or accepting a bribe in exchange for fast-tracking a development project, it’s not a surprise. Isn’t that horrible?

“Crazy pills” is actually a somewhat disingenuous title for this post. Reading comments on newspaper stories doesn’t make me feel like crazy pills. It just makes me realize that the comments sections of newspaper stories are traditionally inhabited by assorted paranoids, malcontents, psychotics, misanthropes, insomniacs, Know-Nothings, misogynists, Whigs, nervous-Nellies, racists, low-blood-sugar-sufferers, megalomaniacs, impulse-control-deficients, sociopaths, wannabe demagogues, and racists. Same old same old.

What we have here is a really short piece, with a link to a longer piece, on a plan that the state of New Jersey has to encourage supermarkets to open locations in poor and relatively under-served communities. Now, given the connection between poverty and obesity (and all of the health problems that come along with high rates of obesity), the state has a strong interest in poor neighborhoods being provided with places where affordable, fresh food is available. It’s basically the state telling private industry “we have an interest in you providing a service that free market principles apparently prevent you from providing. Here’s a financial incentive to encourage you to change your behavior.” This sort of thing happens every day. Entirely uncontroversial.

Here’s what “stickygrips” has to say:

Tthere is a reason why there isnt a stop n’ rob in the middle of the hood.

Class!

And then we’ve got newrkpeeches:

Take down the bird feeders and the birds will leave and crap someplace else.

mrrealist checks in with this doozy:

There are no major stores in Newark for a reason.
It ain’t worth it for the Business, too much crime. I do understand that gangs have to eat too, but I dont think they are that interested in cooking homecooked meals. Got plenty of popeyes and mickey ds around for them.

I am sitting here envisioning a super walmart on broad street, would that be a site to see! the greeter would have to be dressed in armor, hold a machine gun and be wearing track shoes. “Welcome to Walmart of Newark”, please put this on for your protection”. “We have a drive by in aisle 6″ please bring a bucket”. and trust me their would be no self service registers…LMAO

And finally (not for the comments; there are dozens. Just finally for the ones I wanted to highlight), we have scrapthesys:

You see what you liberal idiots got with Coleslaw and B. Hussein Nobama the end of the free market. Next up mandatory health insurance from the government and tons of red tape to get medical procedures. Coming soon the government is going to tell us where to work, where to live and how much education we are allowed to have. Just keep voting blue you stupid people. Actually I think the colors should be switched and the democrats given the color they earned RED as in communist.

I found this one particularly funny and unhinged, considering we’re commenting on an article about the government funneling money into the market, instead of doing the more efficient, and arguably more “communist,” thing, and opening its own government-operated food distribution center. But I suppose today’s loonies take what they can get in terms of imaginary socialism.

Now, I could spend all day and all night copying and pasting the anonymous Internet comments of lunatics. I won’t. I just wanted to remind you, precious reader, that everywhere you go, there’s always some people that are just batshit insane. Be careful!

Apparently, boxer Arturo Gatti was found dead in a hotel room in Brazil today.

In the grand scheme, Gatti isn’t an all-time great, but I feel like he was my guy. He was born in Canada, but settled in Jersey City, the next town up from me, when he turned professional in the early 90s. Boxing fans will remember his epic trio of fights against Micky Ward. They’ll also remember Gatti being completely outclassed by Floyd Mayweather in June of 2005.

I’m not a huge boxing guy, but I liked Gatti, even more so because he was kind of from Jersey. He was the sort of things you wanted to see in a fighter: tough, a big swinger, tons of heart and grit. The sort of guy that other, non-tough, non-confrontational, soft, bespectacled Jersey guys saw themselves as. I have no idea what happened to Gatti, but it’s a sad story. Anyway, here’s a nice piece from Sports Illustrated about him.

I have a draft post floating around featuring my rambling pontifications on Twitter, but since that post will probably never be completed (you’d be amazed at how lacking in discipline I am as a writer. Or maybe you wouldn’t be), here’s the Readers’ Digest version: Twitter is good for some things, lame for others, let’s not get carried away, but let’s not be completely dismissive for no reason.

One thing I find Twitter useful for is out of town headlines. I read the Globe and the Times, but up here in the Hub of the Universe, I don’t get too much exposure to news from back home in Jersey. That’s where NJ.com’s Twitter feed comes in. Every day, I get 30-something headlines from the Star Ledger and other local papers. The Twitter format allows me to blow through them all pretty quickly, but every now and again, one catches my attention, for one of two reasons: its compelling news angle, or its batshit craziness.

Hence the new feature, which I feel is a long time coming: the NJ.com Tweet of the Day. There might not be one every day. And there might be more than one on some days, like today. But the basic idea is, I’m going to pass along to you, my treasured and loyal reader, the wackiest Tweet of the day from my home state’s news site. Here’s two:

Man holds up gas station in Jersey City with handgun, potato http://bit.ly/pYyrC
about 11 hours ago from twitterfeed

Runaway bulls in Boonton cause traffic jams http://bit.ly/S5kWV
about 5 hours ago from twitterfeed