Dangerous, Dirty, and Unfun

I’m watching the Yanks play the Socks and talking to my buddy Chris, and I express incredulity that Eric Chavez, in his first start in forever, just banged an RBI double off the Green Monster. “Look at our roster,” he said, “how good would we have been in 2003?” He was, of course, referring to the fact that the Yankees’ bench/bullpen/minor league system also includes former stalwarts like Andruw Jones, Bartolo Colon, Freddy Garcia, and Kevin Millwood.

Well, later on in the broadcast, we learned that the Yankees have just signed former Cubs pitcher Carlos Silva to a minor league contract, and after laughing for a bit, I decided to see just how good the Yankees would have been in 2003. The answer is, pretty good, but nothing to write home about. However, comma, 2005 would have been a banner year! Here’s the 2005 stats for the Clearance Rack:

Colon: 21 wins, 8 losses, 3.48 ERA, 1.16 WHIP
Millwood: 9 wins, 11 losses, 2.86 ERA, 1.22 WHIP
Garcia: 14 wins, 8 losses, 3.87 ERA, 1.25 WHIP
Sivla: 9 wins, 8 losses, 3.44 ERA, 1.173 WHIP

Jones: 51 HR, 128 RBI, .347 OBP, 95 R
Chavez: 27 HR, 101 RBI, .329 OBP, 92 R

Not bad!

The Red Socks beat the Yankees eight times in a row earlier in the season, and it was the biggest thing in history up here. It was unparalleled dominance! The Socks owned the Yanks! Could they sweep the season series? Sure, it wasn’t even the All Star break, but the Yankees were buried!

All the Yankees have done since is cruise through their schedule, and beat the Red Socks 7 out of the last 8 times. No big shakes, though. Sure, the Yankees have the division sewed up. Sure, the Red Socks haven’t really shown any sort of ability to beat the Yankees when they’re playing well, even with the newly acquired slugger Victor Martinez. But it doesn’t matter, you know, because the Red Socks will probably make the playoffs, so these late games against the Yanks aren’t important.

So I was heartened to see the Village Voice’s Crazy Yankee Chick address this issue:

It would be inordinately helpful if Boston could collectively delineate their parameters for “Which Games Count.” If I understand it correctly, the current guidelines dictate that:

1. Any World Series won before 2000 is not relevant and should not be considered in arguments debating the historical success of franchises
2. Steroid use only voids the validity of a title in years outside of 2004 and 2007
3. A division title does not enable fans of title holder to assume superiority
4. Wild Cards and Division Champions possess equal levels of significance
5. In the event of a loss, Boston retains the right to default to inflated payroll accusations and/or invalidating loss on basis of team’s injuries
6. Any close and late hit from Alex Rodriguez shall automatically be stricken from the record in accordance with “ARod sucks in the clutch” bylaws
7. In the event of a save at the hands of Mariano Rivera, the current game’s outcome shall be eclipsed by past blown save incidences
8. In extreme situations, Boston fans may choose to redistribute vested interests, by taking an early withdrawal from the Red Sox 2009 Season account and re-allocating interests into Patriots 2009-2010 Season account
9. Substantiated support is not a prerequisite for “Yankees Suck” contentions
10. These guidelines are subject to change on the sole discretion of Boston advocates

Preach.

So the other day, the Cleveland Racist Mascots, I mean, Indians, won a game against the Kansas City Royals when a bottom-of-the-10th-inning hit with runners on first and second by Shin-Soo Choo hit one of the many seagulls hanging out in shallow center field, putting the immediate kibosh on any sort of play at the plate, and Cleveland won in walk-off fashion as Mark DeRosa scored from second amid the confusion. Watch the video!

This would all be a quirky, albeit heartbreaking for Royals fans, little baseball story if not for the fact that it happened in Cleveland where, a year and a half ago, the Yankees infamously lost a game after reliever Joba Chamberlain was attacked by a plague of locusts. When is Major League Baseball going to step in?! What sort of menagerie are the Indians running over there? Calling down all manner of beasts to smite your opponents isn’t in the spirit of baseball, and it’s got to stop. I mean, look at this clip from last month, when the Devil Rays visited Cleveland. It’s unacceptable!